I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
