I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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