remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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