Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
