a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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