I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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