Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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