Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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