I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
