Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the day after is always just damage control
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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