o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
