Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
