I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
