I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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