so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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