I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
