hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
