Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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