So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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