I don't usually arrange sex via text message
pop tarts are not kleenex
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
