Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
