I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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