somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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