im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
