This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
