This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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