uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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