I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
