are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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