If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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