After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
