This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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