This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
