got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
