Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I accidentally had phone sex last night
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
