Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
