What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
