spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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