I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
