Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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