He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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