Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
