I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
