Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
