I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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