tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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