I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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