you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
