please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
