dude i'm inner monologue high
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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