The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
