I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
