Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
