I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
