...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
high people should be assigned attendants
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
