Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
