Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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