I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
