WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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