Sry I called you an 8
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
