She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
