His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
