I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
