Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
