Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
