I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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