is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You are the jesus of drinking
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize