well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
