Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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