im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
