oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize