i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
