mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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