Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
