I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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