I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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