HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
