I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
