You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
