3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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